Dispatches from the Low End of the Leash: How to Walk Your Person
Let’s say you’re walking along your town’s main street with your person. When you hit a particular corner, you, of course, want to make a sharp right so you can stop in and visit at the two (yes two!) dog food stores along the block. Your person, for reasons that are completely unclear, appears to be intent upon going straight. How do you fix this situation? You will need to begin with….
Stage 1: Cement paws to the sidewalk, stiffen up the legs, and smile like a nutbar (tongue lolling is also acceptable at this stage for those who like to go all out). When your person realizes that forward movement has stopped, and turns around, fix her with your patented Corgi stare (keep smiling!). Send her psychic images of you plunging headfirst into a 30lb bag of kibbles. If her response is, “Sorry, pal, we’re not going that way,” you will need to move on to…
Stage 2: Use the bunny butt as an exclamation point – stick the butt to the sidewalk and firm up those front legs. Keep the slap-happy grin going, tilt the head to one side (so adorable!) and increase the psychic wattage (send perhaps of image of you, lying happily on a gigantic dinosaur bone, chewing away). If her answer is a little leash tug (stay solid, friends!) and a “Come on, this way!” quickly move on to….
Stage 3: Lie down. Look like a Sphinx. Demonstrate the Iron Will of the Corgi. Continue the stare down, but now, if you don’t feel your person softening, try the big, sad, brown puppy eyes (“I’m starving! I may faint!”). If needed, rest head on front paws. Use passers-by to your advantage (they may scratch your head and say stuff like, “Oh, look at the little puppy – issum tired out?” but hang tough). If your person sighs impatiently, quickly move to the final, full bore…
Stage 4: The Total Corgi Keel-Over. Flop onto your side, let tongue hang out. If there’s room, and you’re motivated, roll onto back and let legs hang in air (particularly useful if passers-by seem like the type to rub your tummy and make your person feel a little guilty). Fix your person with the upside-down stare, and wallop her with the biggest psychic image you can (say, you, in a chef’s hat, overseeing the assembly line at the Mother Hubbard’s Dog Treat factory).
I guarantee you, by Stage 4, 99.9% of Corgi owners will be laughing at you, and will respond with an “Okay, okay, we’ll stop in the dog store, but only for a second.” And we know how many treats any self-respecting Corgi can down in “a second.”
--with woofs and puppy kisses, from Ethel Barrymore
Stage 1: Cement paws to the sidewalk, stiffen up the legs, and smile like a nutbar (tongue lolling is also acceptable at this stage for those who like to go all out). When your person realizes that forward movement has stopped, and turns around, fix her with your patented Corgi stare (keep smiling!). Send her psychic images of you plunging headfirst into a 30lb bag of kibbles. If her response is, “Sorry, pal, we’re not going that way,” you will need to move on to…
Stage 2: Use the bunny butt as an exclamation point – stick the butt to the sidewalk and firm up those front legs. Keep the slap-happy grin going, tilt the head to one side (so adorable!) and increase the psychic wattage (send perhaps of image of you, lying happily on a gigantic dinosaur bone, chewing away). If her answer is a little leash tug (stay solid, friends!) and a “Come on, this way!” quickly move on to….
Stage 3: Lie down. Look like a Sphinx. Demonstrate the Iron Will of the Corgi. Continue the stare down, but now, if you don’t feel your person softening, try the big, sad, brown puppy eyes (“I’m starving! I may faint!”). If needed, rest head on front paws. Use passers-by to your advantage (they may scratch your head and say stuff like, “Oh, look at the little puppy – issum tired out?” but hang tough). If your person sighs impatiently, quickly move to the final, full bore…
Stage 4: The Total Corgi Keel-Over. Flop onto your side, let tongue hang out. If there’s room, and you’re motivated, roll onto back and let legs hang in air (particularly useful if passers-by seem like the type to rub your tummy and make your person feel a little guilty). Fix your person with the upside-down stare, and wallop her with the biggest psychic image you can (say, you, in a chef’s hat, overseeing the assembly line at the Mother Hubbard’s Dog Treat factory).
I guarantee you, by Stage 4, 99.9% of Corgi owners will be laughing at you, and will respond with an “Okay, okay, we’ll stop in the dog store, but only for a second.” And we know how many treats any self-respecting Corgi can down in “a second.”
--with woofs and puppy kisses, from Ethel Barrymore
Comment
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Comment by Joanna Hubbard on February 21, 2009 at 12:31am
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Love it - definitely inborn knowledge. Thanks for giving us humans the inside scoop! Gemma does this for all wonderful smells on our walks, not just potential treat areas.
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Comment by Susan Stanton on February 18, 2009 at 8:29am
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oh yeah, one of my arms is much longer than the other, as Bertie has the keel-over perfected, but Ethel, who lacks all subtlety, just takes off like a bullet when the mood strikes. And they both keel over if they see someone walking down the street with hands in their pockets -- you know, the universal sign of "treats on board" -- and refuse to move until they've investigated the poor soul. But I repeat, they aren't spolied or anything, ohhhhhhhhhhh noooooo.
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Comment by Geri & Sidney on February 17, 2009 at 8:52pm
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Ah, the Corgus Divertious Curse! Leaves your arms inches longer...I know it well.
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Comment by Patti on February 17, 2009 at 8:49pm
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Hilarious! maybe it needs an addition for walking two corgi's - when one wraps it's leash around a tree and the other decides to take off after a squirrel - my arms are now officially 2 inches longer!
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Comment by Carmen on February 17, 2009 at 8:32pm
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Too funny. Luckily, our walks never go past dog food stores. Pan will deliberately slow down to allow people walking a block behind catch up so they can pet her. She is very disappointed when they turn the corner.
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Comment by Marti & Toki on February 17, 2009 at 7:23pm
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Haha! That must be a universal corgi law because Toki definetly knows how to walk her person :)
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Hee hee...Sidney must have studied this well. Very true!
Here is his "total corgi keel-over" (notice the goofy grin still in place):
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