Last of the "Week ago..." Blogs
I have used these blogs to work through my grief, and it has been working--due much to the wonderful supportive posts from all of you. I intend to continue blogging about Stinky Wink because I think that not only will it help me work through my grief, it will also help me truly to appreciate what a wonderful friend he was. I think our pets are like the people in our lives--sometimes we take them for granted. From where I am sitting right now, I can see three separate spots where Stinky Wink liked to "snooze." I could find three or four more throughout the house. The truth is, I never thought much about it when I would see him lying in one of those favorite spots; it was "routine." And sometimes he would get tired of one spot, and move to another. I took for granted that I would see him in one of those spots--just as I take for granted that when I hear the garage door open, my wife will soon be coming in the back door. I guess the lesson is that we should never take anything--or anyone--for granted. They can so easily and quickly be gone from our lives.
This is the blog I have dreaded most because it was a week ago today that I had to make that terrible and hopeless decision. Like everyone who has had to make that decision, I questioned myself--rather "grilled" myself--later. Should I have waited? Would he have gotten better? etc. etc. I know the answers to those questions, but I guess it's the "grasping at straws" syndrome. I found a wonderful poem online that some of you may have seen. It's called The Last Battle. The first two lines go like this:
If it should be that I grow frail and weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done?
For this last battle can't be won.
I hated making that decision, as anyone would. But when I weigh the options, I know it was the only one that could be made for Stinky Wink and he, after all, had to be the focus of my love, concern, respect. He deserved the best I could do for him. We tried the treatment, which was the "best" at that moment. The love, concern, and respect could only be honored in one last decision--the best for him, the worst for me. And it's at that battle line that love is tested.
Comment
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Comment by Teresa Gilpin on February 16, 2012 at 5:05pm
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I am so sorry that we all will have to go through what you have been through with Wink. The best we can do is love the little furbabies with all our might and take good care of them. And walk with them on their final journey. Their lives are way too short! And you are right, we need to be so grateful for the precious time we have with them! Thank you for sharing your story and your love for Wink with us!
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Comment by Alison Prasavath on February 16, 2012 at 3:31pm
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I have a poem hanging up in my office at work about making the final journey with them. I dread the day I have to make that decision, but I will say I'll be there for Noodles.
Randy, time will ease your pain and continue remembering all the wonderful times you had together. You were a wonderful "dad" to him.
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Comment by Jennifer Markley on February 16, 2012 at 2:06pm
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I love that poem. It says it the best. It is such a heart-wrenching decision to have to end your loved ones life. I struggled with Dillon, and in hind-sight let him suffer way longer than I should have because of my own selfish reasons. I still feel guilty with the decision to put my newfoundland down. His mind was perfectly fine, but he couldn't get up on his own at all. I decided to put him down the day after he fell onto his face after I had gotten him up. I started thinking how horrible it would be to be thirsty and not be able to go get a drink. But we had a system down--he'd bark, I'd know he wanted up, and I'd help him out. I'd bring him food and water. With Dillon though, his mind was shot, and he had problems walking--sometimes he'd fall and couldn't get back up. One day I came home from work, and he'd pooped and was unable to get up, and had laid in it all day. It still took me weeks to decide it was time. The only times it's been a half-way easy decision, is when they are sick and take it upon themselves to quit eating/drinking.
So that being said, do not feel guilty. You did the best thing for him, and the ultimate act of love. You gave him a chance to get better, but mostly, you gave him a good life. One that many dogs don't have the chance to live. He knew you loved him, and I am sure he adored you. The hardest part is when they are gone, and how quiet the house is. I still wake up sometimes and reach for Dillon...he slept on my pillow every night. He's been gone 5 years now. You will always keep a spot in your heart for him..it will never go away. But someday, he will greet you first thing, and you two will go on great adventures together again. Death is the worst part of life for those that are left behind. That's why every day, you need to take the time to take thanks for what you have. I think that's why dogs are so special--they remind us that life is good. That no matter how bad things get, there is always somebody who is there for you. It will get easier...I promise. Take care.
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