I normally dont do the jokes thing but I got millions and no one else to share with. This is from work so it is work related...at least for me.

Actual maintenance log entries (gripe sheets)

Pilot-Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
Techn-Almost replaced left inside main tire

Pilot-Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
Techn-Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot-Something loose in cockpit.
Techn-Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilot-Dead bugs on windshield
Techn-Live bugs on back order.

Pilot-Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
Techn-Cannot reproduce problem on ground

Pilot-evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Techn-Evidence removed.

Pilot-IFF inoperative.
Techn-IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot-Number 3 engine missing
Techn-After brief search, engine found on right wing.

Pilot-Aircraft handles funny
Techn-Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

Pilot-Target radar hums.
Techn-Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot-Mouse in cockpit.
Techn-Cat installed.

Pilot-Noise coming from instrument panel. Sounds like midget pounding on something with hammer
Techn-Took hammer away from midget.