Right, well, I've been going on and on about socializing Ace. I've encountered pretty much every size, shape and gender of human being with him. I thought I had covered all the bases... until today.

Enter CDL - Crazy Dog Lady. She was peculiarly dressed this fine Friday evening - I could see her... ahem... undies from a mile away, saying hello over the waistline of her pants. You'd expect this sort of outfit from the younger generation, maybe, but this lady was easily pushing 60. She had a fake tan, peroxide-bleached hair, and the voice that only two packs a day of cigs could make. You know the type!

So she waltzes up to my husband and me just as we were entering the courtyard of our apartment complex. It's been a pretty long day and we (Ace included) just want to turn in for the night. Well, CDL isn't about to let that happen. She greets us and says she's seen the flyer I put up about needing volunteers to socialize Ace. Cool! I have had ZERO people actually call me, and she says she has been meaning to. CDL squats down in front of Ace and says she'd like to help out. Great, I say.

And then she crouches down in front of him, makes direct eye contact, and starts saying "Viens là" (Come here, in French) about a MILLION times. I was about to say that I train him in English, and offer some dry cat kibble I happen to have in a Tupperware (long story). She says No pretty brusquely, and says she needs to get him to come without the aid of food. I think to myself, Good luck, especially when she gets off on the wrong foot by getting directly up in Ace's grill.

Then, disaster. She demands a bisou (kiss). Okay lady, you're pushing it. Even I haven't had a kiss from Ace and I freaking own him and spend 24 hours a day within arm's reach of him. How does she set out to accomplish this? CDL grabs the leash that was in my husband's hands and tugs Ace toward her leathery, suntanned face. At this point, my dog is silently freaking out and doing tons of calming signals to try and defuse the situation. He's looking everywhere else than into her stony gaze, and his feet are gripping the paved ground with all their might. He does NOT want to kiss her.

CDL grabs his collar (at this point I motion for Ben to get Ace out of this lady's grasp) and pulls him in towards her. My husband says "It's time for us to be going", and she refuses to let him go. Oh god. We've officially entered Crazy Town. She grabs him forcefully and says in a most sinister voice, "He should spend two or three days in my flat with my dog. It would be good for him". What the flipping heck? NO. Let the F go of my dog, NOW. Ben had to pretty much wrestle Ace out of her death grip in the most polite way possible, and then we booked it back home.

What the hell just happened? Did this lady try to dognap Ace... in front of us? I think my husband and I reacted so late because we didn't realize just how far someone could go in forcing themselves on to our dog. Ace isn't any worse for wear, and I sincerely hope that this didn't set him back further, but yeah. CDL is officially black listed. @_@

Edit: HOW COULD I FORGET? She also asked if Ace was beaten in his early life. I said no, my husband said no. She said he obviously was, and that we had been lied to. At this point I was asking myself if this was real life. This lady was TELLING US that our dog, whom we love and adore, was obviously coming from a broken home. Yes, clearly all shy dogs aren't under-socialized, they necessarily must be beaten. What the F!