Through the Door
I was out in the back yard yesterday afternoon, checking on the many flowers which have decided it is spring. I hope they don't get an unpleasant surprise. I also came across a couple of Stinky Wink's old toys. He had an odd habit. Very often--but not always--when I asked if he wanted to go outside, he would grab the closest toy he could find (or go hunting for one) and take it outside with us. Once outside, he would drop it in the grass. He never played with it, and I could never figure it out. It was almost like a "ticket" or a "fare" to the other side of the door. I'm sure that in that little steel trap of a Corgi mind there was a reason for it. Sometimes he would go out without a toy. Other times he would run all over the house until he found one. I'll never know the reason, but I like the "fare" theory. I'm beginning to see lessons in the little things Wink did. Dogs don't do things "for the heck of it." They do things for a reason...most of the time for reasons we will never figure out. Maybe it's instinct, maybe not. I don't see any instinct reason for taking the toy and then leaving it. Grief is like a door. We know what's on the other side--something desirable and pleasant, but we have to give something to go through. I am learning that every time I go through that door, I need to give up one of my sad memories of Wink...one of the memories of that awful week. Eventually the sad memories will be gone, and the fare will be paid in full. Will the pain be gone? No. Will the loss be gone? No. But they will be tempered by the happy memories. And there are, after all, so many, many more happy memories than sad ones. Thank you, WInk, for the lessons you continue to teach me, and for the wonderful memories you have left with me, you besses puppo!
Comment
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Comment by Bax & Zigs & Rosie on February 29, 2012 at 5:53pm
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That is a very sweet memory. Like the previous posters said, you're stories really make me appreciate my time with my corgis. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I am thankful you are able to share your stories here.
Did Wink ever bring the toys back in? Or did he save that job for you?
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Comment by Cindi & Twinkie on February 29, 2012 at 8:13am
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Thanks for sharing your story Randy. As much as the writing is helping you deal with your grief, the reading is reminding us all to love more and be more lovable. Maybe that is the key to the corgi way? I wanted to say that Twinkie takes her "babies" outside too. On rainy days I have to stop her at the door so they don't have to go into the washing machine. The command she knows that I am most proud of is "Get you baby!" I wonder why they do that? Maybe taking a little piece of inside outside with them gives them a sense of security? Have a good day today!
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Comment by Emily & Scout on February 28, 2012 at 6:22pm
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You have an amazing way with words that makes me appreciate how much my Scout means to me. I know by writing you are helping both yourself and many others deal with loss. Could be a dog, could be another human. Hershi used to get chewsticks and instead of chewing them, she'd go right to the door and ask to go out. Then she would just leave the chewstick outside somewhere and ask to come back in. Now when Scout comes along, she finds all the stored treats and chews them. Poor thing always has slight digestive issues after a visit to Mom and Dad's
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Comment by Alison Prasavath on February 28, 2012 at 4:20pm
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I had to chuckle with your story about Wink and his toy. I wonder the same thing with Noodles. When I get the blow dryer out, he will grab the first toy around him, run down the stairs, drop it off in his basket, look at all his toys and grab a toy (very well could be the same toy he originally had). It cracks me up how he has to have a toy every time I use the blow dryer. Keep remembering the happy memories!
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Comment by Zigward & Kimberly on February 28, 2012 at 4:11pm
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I was just thinking to myself last night while watching Ziggy and his kitty brother, Skittles sleep, "I wonder what they dream about, what thoughts go through their heads." and I do. There has to be reason like you said, so there must be an pattern to how they think, what they do, just like with humans. It's tough wondering about that kind of stuff because you'll never have the real answer, and if you do-you won't know it.
It's good that you are managing your grief, and that you are moving forward. I admire that strength, because I'm not sure I'll have it when that time comes, at least not for a long time. I have a lot of problems with myself though, and Skittles and Ziggy are my outlets, because with them it doesn't matter that I'm not normal-they don't understand that I'm not, because humans are just plain weird to them anyway, I'm sure.
Keep making progress:)
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