To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and...
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

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Comment by ChestersMom on January 2, 2009 at 12:34am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! that just made my day!(night)
Comment by Beezie on January 1, 2009 at 10:56pm
I'm making a copy of it for inside my house because I've had 'looks' from people about my corgi's and kitties for years and am hoping that'll put an end to it, LOL. Some of their (human) kids aren't so hot either, LOL, but I don't give them 'looks' when I go to their house. Besides, all Beezie does is sit and look at them just in case they pull a sandwich out of their pocket or somehin' ;-)

So copy away and pass it on to other furr-parents!
Comment by Kathy and Jillie on January 1, 2009 at 9:45pm
Amen Everyone! I am making a copy also!
Comment by Carmen on January 1, 2009 at 8:41pm
I'm close to putting it on the front door. People without pets just don't understand "fur" kids.
Comment by Renee on January 1, 2009 at 7:47pm
I love it! I have read it before and I really want to copy it and put it on the fridge and front door.
Comment by Beezie on January 1, 2009 at 6:22pm
:-) Beezie and I are very glad you enjoyed it!

Happy New Year everyone!

Di & The Beez
Comment by Marion and Vern on January 1, 2009 at 6:05pm
We both thought this was cute, cute , cute and true!!!:)
Comment by Adam & Brittany on January 1, 2009 at 5:36pm
Right on! I love this, thanks for posting :)
Comment by Nichole on January 1, 2009 at 4:49pm
LOL ,,,,love it!
Comment by Kathy and Jillie on January 1, 2009 at 4:44pm
Haha! I love it.....very good! Happy New Year!

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