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Comment by Geri & Sidney on July 19, 2012 at 11:47am

Jennifer, that was so beautifully written it made me cry.

Comment by Brooke Busteed on July 19, 2012 at 11:31am

I didn't come on here to get bashed, just wanted some advice. Of course I love my dog, of course I didn't expect him to be trained when I got him home.  I am constantly praising him for good behavior, I have done nothing but show him love and try and teach him things. I am a bit confused about being told to not tell him NO?? How do I teach him boundries without saying a stern NO?

When he pees on the floor (which rarely happens) I just smile and divert him to a toy? That to me makes no sense, how will he know that it is wrong?

I just got done spending over two grand on him I can't afford an in home trainer that costs $100 per hour. I had to pre pay for his puppy school because I KNOW he needs it but with his health I can no longer take him.

Comment by Tomahawk and Fences on July 19, 2012 at 10:32am

Give him the opportunity to get over his illness. Show him that you are there for him even when life is a kick in the butt. Don't get mad at him for being a puppy. Everything that he will learn, you will be responsible in teaching him.

Tomahawk isn't a cuddle bug whatsoever and it took him several months to show any type of affection towards me. Does it hurt? Hell yeah, but I understand that is who he is, and I will be damned if I ever try to change him.

Instead of focusing on all his faults, show him love, regardless if he gives it back.

Comment by Nora on July 19, 2012 at 10:28am

Hey Brooke --- IT WILL GETS BETTER! And then MUCH BETTER!!! And then you wouldn't trade your dog for anything.

I had the same feeling as your couple of months before 'cause my expectations were high, or, too high . Now, I laugh at myself when I think about it: Like myself, I didn't understand and know that I love my parents until I reached 18 years old. And just like that, I started to appreciate what I have been given and showed them the love. Dogs will learn that in their way.

If it is a comfort to you --- NOW, I JUST started to feel that my pup loves me. And she just reached 8 months old.I still have my expectations like all the parents, BUT I save them for myself and ENJOY the puppy time since my little girl won't be a puppy for a very long time. DouBao is also my first dog even though our family has dogs all the time. There are a lot to learn for both of us and so glad that I found people here where I have been given tons of great suggestions. And if you have time to take a look those postings, you will see people here somehow have been through the same struggles you are having now in different ways.

Keep being happy with him and like Sam said:" solid structure, boundaries, exercise, discipline THEN affection. In THAT order". I teach mine new things at HER pace, revisit the things she learned frequently, praise her like CRAZY when she gets it and redirect her immediately when she is wrong. I NEVER say NO to her when she does something wrong (since it is meaningless to her), just REDIRECT, REDIRECT and REDIRECT. (This is the instruction from my trainer, but you could do otherwise, but redirect is a must)

One thing on the leash walking, if you like, you could try the gentle leader which will give you more control and the it will be easier to redirect the dog. JUST REMEMBER to condition your dog well using positive reinforcement so that he accepts the gentle leader. Then you could hit the road.

I am so jealous that you could have your pup with you all the time. I am sure he will show you love much faster than my pup......AFTER he gets through all the illnesses. I think you need to sit down and make a little plan about how you want to spend time with him: training session, play session, leash walking--- So much you could do together WHEN he gets better!!

Comment by Chris, Kadi & Brodie on July 19, 2012 at 10:21am

I have to agree with Jane. This concept that puppies are perfect and come out of the box trained and healthy and ready to act like Eddie on Fraiser is getting very common. You stated "I know puppies are a pain..." That tells me you started this with the wrong attitude. Puppies are a gift from God and if you don't approach them that way, then they will be a pain--just like children. From browsing through your other posts I see that he has tons of health issues, so he feels like crap and he's stuck with someone who resents him. How would you act in that situation?

Comment by Ludi on July 19, 2012 at 10:20am

Brooke: Let his illnesses clear up, let him have a chance to spend time with you when he's better. I too cried for days with the stress of having a puppy that returned zero affection. Ace was aloof to everyone, even me, despite my slavish devotion to him and taking care of him. He still hasn't given me a doggie kiss, but I have learned that he just isn't a lovey-dovey dog. I'm not saying that your pup could be this way, but he has been on a VERY bumpy road up until moving in with you (being sick, being in a pet store) that he may not be acting like himself in the least.

Give him time, please. I know it's so tough. But at the start, we have to give, give, give and give some more even when we feel like we receive nothing. It is worth it, I promise. :)

Comment by Roger/Laurie on July 19, 2012 at 10:07am

Respect and Love must be earned even in our human child.  Our human children learns love from security, warmth and affection.  Our human children learn respect from consistant behavior and truth.  Our puppies are no different.  Relax!!! Puppies and babies can feel  frustration and anger and they have no skills to cope with this other than withdrawal.  I would suggest you give him a calm quite body massage even for 30 seconds,talk warmly to him from a distance but let him know you are speaking at him, put him in situation where he can feel good about his behavior. If the relationship and trust develope training and rules will come a lot easier.

Comment by Lola and Paige on July 19, 2012 at 9:59am

Dogs are just like humans.. If they aren't feeling good they are going to be distant, and crabby at times. And if your stressed they will pick up on it. I had a Springer Spaniel in the past that ended up hurting his paw while we were hunting. This dog was the most affectionate dog I had ever owned. When I tried to check out the paw to see what the problem was he growled a couple times and when I didn't listen to him, he bit me on the hand. Most people would have gotten rid of the dog at that point but I understood why he did it. I suffer from RA and if someone where to mess with my joints when they are flairing up I would probably bite them also.

Oh by the way this Paiges Dad not Paige. I was uploading pics for her and saw this post.

Comment by Jennifer Markley on July 19, 2012 at 9:25am

Brooke-

You've gotten some pretty harsh criticism here, as well as some good advice.  I can empathize with you. 

I'm wondering if he doesn't have some sort of mental disorder- like being mentally handicapped in a human?  I've often said that I could never have dealt with a handicapped child, but know that deep down inside I would love it as much as any other child I've had.

Maybe try to look at it from his point of view.  Try to find some compassion and understanding for him.  As others have said, he's hurting, feels like crap, and knows that you don't like him.  I have lupus, and feel horrible many days, although others can't tell by looking at me.  I don't want to interact with anyone on those days, and can be quite grumpy.  My family knows to let me be, and that hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.  

God gave you this dog for some reason.  Maybe to increase your compassion level?  I don't mean that as a stab- but you must try to understand it from his point of view.  Don't try to make him be what YOU want him to be- accept him for what he is.  That's the key to ANY relationship.

I've had many, many dogs in my life.  And only one soul bonding with a dog- my Dillon.  It was very hard for me to accept Seanna after I got her, because I wanted her to be just like him.  It's just simply not possible.  She is not cuddly like he was, doesn't sleep on my pillow, doesn't follow me everywhere, has to be on a leash in town, half the time ignores my "no" command.  She is demanding.  BUT, I love her to death.  God brought her to me because he knew I would take care of her.  As we were at the vet yesterday for her nasty vulvitis, she gave me the most pathetic look while he was cleaning her- a literal "mom!  Please save me!" look.  I started crying.  I am her whole world, and would walk through fire for her.  She is going in for another ACL surgery tomorrow morning, and even though she isn't affectionate with me for the most part, I will be there for her 24 hours a day until the day she dies.  

I promise you he doesn't hate you.  I promise you that you are his whole world.  He is just feeling your frustration, and being sick on top of it doesn't help.  Quit trying to make him a perfect dog-- he will be, but in his own time.  Just relax, lay back on the couch, and enjoy just being together.  Even if he's across the room.

All that being said, if you honestly feel deep down in your heart that you just absolutely cannot accept him for what he is, and will never love him, then please find him a good home with someone who will take him for all his health issues, and personality differences- and love him whole heartedly.  He deserves that.

Comment by Cindi & Twinkie on July 19, 2012 at 9:11am

I agree with everyone here that he is still such a little guy.  I didn't even get Twinkie or Logan until they were 12 weeks old!  Just keep on giving him positive re-enforcement by rewarding the behaviors you want.  Even if you have to give treats to get him to come to you.  You are building a relationship that will last MANY years.  You can't expect it to come fully formed.  You both will probably need to change some.  Good luck Honey!

PS-No, do not let him eat poop!

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