I took Doris to a groomer for the first time today. Her toenails were hopelessly long; she was shedding; I haven't bathed her in almost two months. Really, the bathing part -- well, she isn't stinky. It's hard to justify wrestling Doris into a bathtub full of water and torturing her if she isn't noticeably dirty.

But I was feeling oodles of guilt about those toenails. Someone needed to trim them! I called the groomer in town, asked how much a good brushing, bathing, and trimming would cost, and I made an appointment.

The most alarming thing about the appointment was that the groomer told me it would be three hours from drop-off to pick up. Not that I wanted to rush her or anything. I just didn't know if I could handle being away from Doris that long.

I took Doris in this morning at the appointed hour, and the groomer asked a few questions, like what kind of flea treatment Doris was on, and whether Doris had "any issues." I'm still not really sure how I should have answered that question. I said that Doris was still young and was sometimes iffy on her commands like "come," "sit," "wait," etc. The groomer took Doris' leash and led her off behind the rail, and then I went home to chew on my fingernails and count the 180 minutes 'til I could pick her up again.

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Does the clock seem slow to you? Or is it just me?

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Et. Cetera.

Finally I went back to get Doris, who was in a crate near the front where she could see me. The groomer had to put a gigantic rottweiler in a crate before she could get Doris out of her crate, so by the time she opened Doris' crate door, my puppy was whining for me and starting to freak out a little.

I finally got my puppy, hugged her, smelled her, said, "Oh, my! You smell good!" I checked her ears and her toenails, and everything seemed cool, so I paid the groomer and tipped her about 14%, and then I brought my darlin' Doris Daylily home where I could better assess the grooming.

And honestly? The most stand-out thing about the experience -- other than the nicely trimmed toenails and a strange triangle of pink and grey camouflage print material around Doris' neck -- is that my dog... doesn't smell like a dog. Nope. Not a dog smell. Not a clean dog, not a dirty dog, not a wet dog. No -- Doris smells like -- well, really, quite a lot like -- scented candles. Yes, I am pretty sure Doris smells like a scented candle. A cherry vanilla scented candle, to be specific.

I am not opposed to going back to the groomer -- and honestly, she told me she could do Doris' toenails for $5, so that's an advantage -- but next time, I think I'll ask if there's a shampoo that smells less.... frilly.

I discombobulated by the strong odor of that stuff.

And the triangle lasted long enough for my husband to see it, and then it came off. All the clean puppies at the groomer's was wearing them, but I'm really not a kerchief kind of person. It just kept rolling up and being in the way.

So what does your dog smell like when it goes to the groomer? Is this normal? What scents are even available? I am unschooled -- teach me!