Yesterday was not a good day, mostly because a great number of things combined to throw me into a sort of funk and cause the managing of my grief to do a tail-spin. Wednesdays are my wife's long days. She goes directly from school to church, where she is the choir director and organist, and doesn't get home until about 8:45 p.m. My allergies and sinuses have been giving me fits, so the day started off badly. On those long Wednesdays, Wink and I conversed (well, I conversed and he listened) all day, as we did every day. Since I was on a downward spiral anyway, I remembered that it was two weeks ago that Wink came home for his final night with us. I decided to go grocery shopping in the late afternoon. Since my retirement I do all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc., to help out as much as possible. I sneezed all the way to the store, and while there I sneezed, had watery eyes, and had to blow my nose every 30 seconds! What was meant to be a diversion became a nightmare. I finally got finished and spent twenty minutes in the checkout lane. On the way home my mind alerted me that Wink was not there. The house would be dark, he would not meet me at the door, wiggling his butt and waiting for me to unpack the groceries to see if I brought him something. I got into the dark laundry room, then the dark kitchen, with the first armful of groceries. Then I lost it. I sat at the kitchen island in the dark and wept as hard as I had any time the past two weeks. When my wife got home, I had pretty much recovered, but had swollen eyes. She knew. I fixed her a glass of tea and we sat down together for a while. Naturally we talked about how much we missed Wink. We both shed some tears--me, for the second time. I keep either the tv playing during the day, or music. But the house is still quiet...too quiet. My wife says it's time for another puppy. We can have one mid-May and have spoken for it. It will never take Wink's place, but it will certainly help fill a void in our lives that happened when Wink left. And who knows, it may even enjoy listening to me ramble on all day!

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Comment by Bev Levy on February 23, 2012 at 9:08pm

It is so hard to lose them! The best transition I ever had was when I got a puppy 3 days after my sweet corgi died unexpectedly. I would not necessarily recommend it for everyone but in my case I still shed some tears but the new puppy helped me focus on the good memories and the new youngster in the house. Sometimes at first I would look at Izzy and she would do something so similar to Buffy that it would take my breath away...but in a good way. Best wishes to you in dealing with your loss.

Comment by Cindy Lincoln on February 23, 2012 at 6:52pm

I'm glad to hear that you are going to get a puppy in May.  I think it will really help alot.  It has been 10 months since my beloved Sammy died and I am finally able to look at her picture and not cry.  The ache in my heart will always be there but I know she would want me to be happy not sad.  I have had Ella for 4 months now and although no other dog can replace the one we lost, I think there is always room in our hearts to love another.

Comment by Tim Lum on February 23, 2012 at 6:48pm
It really helped me cope with the grief of losing Rugby having my two others. I think this may help you also. They know what's going on and help you accept your lose. I remember coming home after work the first day after. We have these hooks were we hang their leashes and collars. I saw Rugby's leash and collar hanging there an absolutley broke down in tears. Gryffin my tan & white came over and rub up against me letting me know that every thing was ok and he was still here for me. maybe it time for you to get other! They'll never replace Winky but there'll be another place in your heart!
Comment by Cindi & Twinkie on February 23, 2012 at 2:32pm

I'm so sorry you are still feeling the pain of losing Wink so acutely. I know how quiet a house can be when there around no little feet around and I know my will be home soon.  I would be a wreck too!  It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your wife.  Keep sharing your thoughts and hopefully May will be here in no time!

Comment by Emily & Scout on February 23, 2012 at 1:21pm

It is so hard to not have a dog when you're used to one.  My first experience of this fact was my 6th grade year after the mutt, Rusty passed on.  It took a matter of 2 months to find a puppy (my first dog that I personally got to train) And when I moved out of my parents' house in 2010 and they kept Hershi (which also meant being alone without anybody else) I couldn't stand it.  Within a week of moving in June I got a free kitten as some company. Then in December life was (mostly) complete again when Scouterrific came into my life. Life without a dog just seems less happy. 

It's good that you and your wife have eachother and can talk about him together.  And the new puppy will surely have a wonderful home that is deserving of all the love it can give.  And it'll be sure to have a few of the same behaviors as Wink did, and those will let you think about all the happy years he gave you.

Comment by Jennifer Markley on February 23, 2012 at 12:51pm

You are going to have bad days, and good days,  Yesterday was a bad one.  The hard part is that they always seem to hit just when you think you may be getting better.  You can still talk to Wink...I am sure he can still hear you and is listening.  I am sure if he physically was here, he would be sitting right by you, kissing your tears.  I am sure that he is glad you have chosen to get another dog to share your love with....as we all are.  *hug*

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