oh my gosh my heart is broken for you and finn.. i have no advice, except ...you should be able to have a joint custody of some sort off the record, especially if you and the husband have a friendship..
How old is finn?
I am so sorry. My husband and I seperated about 8 years ago, and ended up back together after a year. During that time, he kept one of our dogs that was attached to him, and I kept the other two, as they were attached to me. When he was working his 24 shifts (every third day), Blaze would come and stay with us. It over-all worked well. They adapted fine, and about the only thing I noticed is that each dog was a little more excited than normal when they saw one of us that they hadn't been around for a couple of days. If Finn is attached to you, then I'd take him with you, and let your husband visit when he wants to. Finn will adapt to a new house and routine fine...but I think they should stay with the person they are the most bonded to...
This is a bit of a tangent and I hope not applicable to your situation, however it is related.
I got my corgi Caesar as a result of a divorce. TPrior owner wife and the kids moved in with their Grandma and could not take Caesar with them. The husband moved from a house with a yard to a condo and poor Caesar was sitting alone all day with no stimulation whatsoever. He really missed the kids in the yard. The husband made a really tough choice, but realized he had to get Caesar into a home where he would get the attention he needed. He worked with a rescue agency to find a home with young children and my family was lucky enough to be the beneficiary of an otherwise sad situation. I really respect the prior owner for putting the needs of the dog ahead of his own. Caesar absolutely loves his new home and adores my son and our other dog, a corgi-mix shepherd.
It sounds like your routine will not be disrupted, since the dog seems to be okay spending time alone during the day while you both work.
I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I have absolutely no advice (never been marrie..way to selfish...and very happy with that) but I think since you and your husband have a good relationship and all, Finn will be just fine whether he's with you or your husband. If I were in the same situation, though, I would want Finn to be with me (my selfishness coming out) and if he does go with you, I'm sure he'll be fine. Most dogs seem to very adaptable as long as they are loved and cared for, which Finn certainly is, by both of you. And if you and your husband will be living fairly close to each other, Finn will still be able to see both of you often.
Did you sign a contract when you got Finn? I know with Bucher we did and the breeder sometimes can have some say. I think only if you can't agree between the two of you, but I'm not sure!! Just a thought.... I remember because our breeder had to go to court for one of their pups.
So sorry you are going thru a divorce, it really isn't fun!
Yes we did but it was more about not breeding and there was nothing that would apply to this situation. I have a good relationship with Finn's breeder anyway and I know he wouldn't try to step in.
No it's certainly not fun and there will be a lot of change to get used to. These things happen though. It would have been nice if it didn't take almost 9 years to figure out that we work better as friends though!
Well I have no advice but I would just like to give you guys Kudos for being mature about this. So many times seperation/divorce is not handled this way and it is ALWAYS the kids (two or four legged) that end up with the short end of the stick. Sounds like you guys are really trying to make this work smoothly. I am sure he will be fine with whatever custody arrangement you work out.
My husband works out of town all week long and is only home on the weekends. One of our dogs is definatley more his then mine. But they are all fabulous with getting to see dad on the weekends even if that means we are going somewhere else and they are at his trailer or even at Grandma and Grandpa's they adjust well and are just so happy to see their people.
I took a trip to England recently and was gone for 8 days and he said Finn didn't even seem to notice I was gone or at least he didn't act any different, I'm sure he noticed though. When I got home he didn't even seem all that excited, he was more concerned with barking at my rolling suitcase. I think as long as he's with one of us he's fine. He wouldn't like being left with someone who wasn't us though.
Yes we're lucky from the standpoint that we don't hate each other and really do want the best for each other and to remain friends. In other ways it makes it harder when you don't hate each other. I've seen some pretty nasty divorces but there's always a reason like someone cheated or was abusive or something but it's not like that with us so we will be as calm and fair as possible and I suppose if we can adjust then Finn can too. Thanks for the kudos :)