I don't even know how to describe how empty I feel. I came home from work to find my baby Murphy (4 years old.. just described in a forum as my heart baby) had suffocated in an empty bag of Doritos.. his favorite snack. A careless item left out while we were gone.

It's been about 4 hours.. and the shock and disbelief are blocking the way of grieving. How could this HAPPEN? We just moved to our new house in December and hadn't gotten a chance to formally introduce ourselves to the neighbors with a small farm, but after I discovered him, I ran over for help and they came with a stethoscope and went to do a thorough check... something I just couldn't do. They were so kind and helpful and welcoming. It was also good them coming from a farm, dealing with this stuff every once in a while, and them knowing just what to do. What a way to meet the neighbors, huh?

We haven't even gotten a chance to bury him yet... my boyfriend had to finish his day of work :-( and I feel like it's too soon to be talking about it, but even tho I don't actually know any of you guys, the stories and support have kept me logging on every day for updates and posts. I hope that none of you have to experience this anytime soon, because I now know what It's like to have a broken heart.


Some (but not all) of the things I love and remember about Murphy:

*the way he would lick the condensation off the glass of whatever I was drinking
*how great of a snuggler he was
*how he would sneeze at least twice if he laid on his back
*how if he gave me a kiss on the lips after I put on chapstick he would do a smacking gesture with his mouth (haha that might be weird)
*how we would snuggle and out of nowhere he would pivot and stick his furry butt where his head once was
*his nicknames: pig, meesto, neesto
*how he seemed to get his belly muddy every time we went outside and came right into the mud room and laid on his back to get towelled off... because "scratchin the chest... it feels the best!"
*how he would "chase" Maya... she was sooo much faster, so he would cut her off in a herding gesture
*the way he chased a laser pointer: always a millimeter away and charging like a bull
*never missing a snowball
*his first big snow.. running in the trench made by big brother Moses
*the way he used to grunt like a pig as a puppy (hence his nickname)
*how he faked a hurt leg on a walk so I would run 2 miles back to get the car and pick him and the other dogs and my mom up... so he wouldn't have to walk back! (He ran alllll around when we got home... no pain! Just pranks!)
*how I could set a clock by his whine... 5:59pm.. dinner time at 6!
*how during fetch he would bring the ball back 90% of the way and then lay down with it and smile
*him jumping for sticks in the air
*the white spot on his forehead where I told him "an angel kissed him"
*how he could hold his ground on a tug match with our Newfoundland mix
*how photogenic he was and LOVED to be photographed
*our matching Halloween outfits
*his business tie
*how MUCH he loved squeaker toys
*how much he meant to me

There is so much more.. but I cannot finish. Cherish your furbabies and squeeze them a little tighter tonight. Tell them how much you love them every time you leave (I'm so glad I did) and never take anything for granted.