Managed Grief

I learned from the loss of my grandparents (who raised me) that grief never completely goes away; we learn to manage it, and make it part of the big picture. I think managed grief is healthy grief--and therapeutic grief. Many years ago I knew of a woman from my hometown who lost her son in a tragic car accident. For the next two years--until her own death--she went daily to his grave and cried profusely. She quit going anywhere else and would not see anyone if she could avoid it. Her husband left after a while. She had no other children. Her friends quit calling. She finally ended her own life. That is consuming grief. When we are first confronted with grief it is always consuming grief. We are faced with a loss that cuts into our lives and seems to tear a great hunk out of our hearts. As we learn to manage our grief, those gaping heart wounds are filled in by memories of the loved one(s). We help that to happen by going about our daily lives and making the grief fit into those lives, like pieces of a puzzle. And like pieces scattered throughout a puzzle, we will often stumble across a piece that reminds us that the grief is still there, but part of the bigger picture. It may be the first time the doorbell rings and there is no bark, or the first time we go outside and wait at the door for four-legs to follow us. Maybe it's the first time we come home and there's no "wiggle butt" running to greet us. The pieces that represent grief will always be there, but they will be part of the bigger picture if we manage them and put them where they belong. We don't have to maintain a high level of grief, or a consuming grief, to keep the love alive; the memories do that for us. Grief becomes part of the big picture, the full picture. That's healthy, healing grief--grief that we manage and not grief that manages us. I love you, Stinky Wink, and I miss you. But I am so thankful that you were part of my life for over eleven years. Thank you for being so many pieces in my puzzle!

6 members like this

Comment

You need to be a member of MyCorgi.com to add comments!

Join MyCorgi.com

Comment by Jennifer Markley on February 20, 2012 at 9:14am: I love how you quote it...managed grief hits the nail right on the head. It sounds like you are starting to heal slowly. Soon you will find happiness in your memories. It gets easier...slowly.

Comment by Emily & Scout on February 20, 2012 at 7:34am: Going with John's comment, here is something I found online once. Though it may still be too soon for a new dog (always a different timeline for everyone) I think this is what any dog would want, be it a shelter dog, rescue, puppy, any dog...

Comment by John Wolff on February 20, 2012 at 12:56am: It might help to note that Stinky Wink, whether or not (s)he has a soul who's aware of how you're feeling or can think at all in human terms, would not want you to be sad. Stinky would want you to relish and celebrate the good times you shared, and maybe, when you can, take that love and bestow it on someone new, who needs it just as much.

11 years is a good ride. Keep going.

Comment by Rebecca Marie O'Bryan on February 19, 2012 at 10:21pm: what you say is very true and know exactly how u feel and i am truly sorry for your loss.

2days before thanksgiving i lose my beloved corgi, Teddy. me and him were so close that i swear our souls were connected. everyday since then i still am mending my broken heart. yes i have 2 new corgis but my heart still aches for my best friend. even the little things remind me of him, such as some the things baden or dollar does.

the other day it snowed here for the first time and when i seen it i started to cry as teddy LOVED the snow. he was always so happy to play in it with me. i tried to get baden to play with it but wasnt interested so i sat outside, while it snowed and thought back to the wonderful memories me and teddy made.

the feeling of grief never goes away but u get stronger everyday that goes by