Ravioli is finally home, but I have some concerns

let me first preface this by saying that this post will be long, but i ask that you please read because i really need some support from the community. please!!!

Ravioli came home saturday evening, and he seemed pretty ok with us (my boyfriend and i). we brought him back to the apartment and he explored a lot. the breeder said he hadn't used the bathroom all day (which was from before 9am to 630pm when we got him). we took him out a couple times that night and he still never went to the bathroom. he got tired pretty early and fell asleep on the floor. when i was ready to go to the bed i picked him up and transferred him to his crate. he never made a peep. i woke up at 7 to let him out because i heard he was awake (he didn't whine at all that night) and after walking around outside FOREVER he finally went to the bathroom (poo and pee). he also hates his leash, but i'll get to that in a minute. i brought him back inside and he went to his crate and fell asleep.. i kind of had a mini internal freak out because i was coming to the realization that my sleep schedule wouldn't be normal for a little while (we went to bed early because he fell asleep early and woke up early). after a little while i decided i wanted to go to sleep again and i wanted to make sure he was safe so i shut the door to his crate (when he was already inside) he started doing the high pitched bark (he hadn't barked once since i got him). so not feeling like dealing with it at that moment (i just wanted sleep!) i opened the door and barricaded a section of my room for him to be safe in while i slept. i know that it is bad that i let him out when he barked but everyone else was still asleep and i didn't feel like dealing with people being angry at me and let me explain that.. i'm having a bit of an internal crisis. i realized that when i wanted to sleep he wanted to be awake, and when i wanted to be awake he wanted to sleep. on top of that, he has been so depressed. he just lays around giving me these horribly sad looks. his depression is really rubbing off on me and has been making me feel really depressed. i felt really lonely all day yesterday and almost felt like crying a few times because he just lays on the ground and looks up at me with these sad, sad eyes. and on top of that, he wouldn't eat at all. he would drink, but wouldn't eat. and i took him out 800 times yesterday for 20-30 minutes each and he WOULD NOT GO TO THE BATHROOM! he still has not gone to the bathroom since yesterday at 7am. he hasn't gone inside which is good, but still! so that's also upsetting me. i mean i was prepared to handle potty training him and dealing with him going inside, but i was not prepared to handle him not going at all! i just don't know what to do! i obviously can't MAKE him go. so this is making me feel upset too. i keep taking him out with hopes he'll use the bathroom and then just get terribly upset and concerned when he doesn't, and then he just goes straight back to laying lifelessly on the ground. my boyfriend keeps telling me that he's just still trying to get used to being away from his brothers and sisters and he'll eventually come around, but i can't help feeling this way. i really wish he would at least stop with the depressing looks! i can get him to get up and play with me for a little while, but it only lasts about 5 minutes before he goes back to laying down.. then last night he went to sleep early-ish (like 9 or 10) well actually i don't know if he was fully sleeping or just being mopey because he  would open his eyes every few minutes when a sound was made. anyway, we took him out around 1130 and STILL nothing. he came back inside and laid down again. a little after 12 we decided to go to bed and moved to the bedroom and he followed us in there, then my boyfriend decided that now would be a good time to start playing with him.. he played with him until close to 1 and then we decided to go to bed. so i put him in the crate in our room and he started yelping and howling. my boyfriend was not pleased with me (because he doesn't see why he NEEDS to be crate trained) and i'm sure his roommate wasn't too happy either.. so we decided to move his crate into the kitchen so he couldn't see us and so if he stopped barking, he wouldn't start up again if he heard us shuffle in the bed. after about 10-15 minutes he finally shut up and we went to sleep. well lucky for us, his roommate decided that 2am was a good time to go to the drugstore and woke ravioli up and he started yelping again. i'm sure our neighbors really love us (the walls are thin at the apartment). then after a while he shut up again and didn't make any noise through the night. my boyfriend woke up around 6am to work on a paper and didn't let ravioli out until 7 and said that he heard ravioli moving around in the crate but he didn't make any noise. he took him outside and still no bathroom... i woke up around 8 because i was worried about him and went into the living room and he was just laying on the floor next to the couch where my boyfriend was sitting and sleeping. so i went back to bed but was so worried about him that i couldn't go back to sleep. i reemerged at 930 and sat on the opposite couch for a little while. my boyfriend finally got him to eat by sitting on the ground with him and putting some food in his hand and then leading him to the bowl, where ravioli proceeded to lick it clean. if he was so hungry, why wouldn't he eat before?! =P but he still has yet to go to the bathroom. is it normal for a 4 month old puppy to be able to hold it that long? obviously since he wasn't eating much, there probably wasn't much to excrete but he was at least drinking water and theoretically should have had to pee.. i don't know, i'm just very concerned. 

and let's talk now about his leash... he HATES IT!! he is fine with his collar, and hasn't tried to get it off, but absolutely hates his leash. when i take him out on the leash he will humor me for a little while and sniff along behind me, but then after a while he will just turn into a stone and refuse to move. sometimes he'll just plop down in the grass and refuse to move. then he'll roll around and try to get the leash off. i've been trying not to tug on him, but i'll go in front of him and make sure there's no give on the leash and just stand with my back towards him without making any noise or looking back at him. he'll eventually start slowly moving forward and i start making excited noises and patting my leg to encourage him to move and he will for a little while, until he decides he doesn't like it again.. it's very frustrating! i would like to take him on a walk but he won't walk! he'll just slowly sniff around behind me and then become a stone. if i let him outside without the leash he will follow me around slowly sniffing behind me and won't stop, but with the leash he just.. i don't know! and it's also frustrating and concerning that he won't use the bathroom! he'll sniff around a lot and even sniff other dog's poo but won't go himself. after a while he just lays down in the grass and rolls around. 

i just don't know what to do because i feel so worried/frustrated/depressed/upset that he won't go to the bathroom and that all he does is mope around and sleep or give me depressing looks! did anyone else feel this way? some supportive words would really help right now, i just feel so overwhelmed with all these unexplainable emotions. 

and what's the best thing i can do about the crate thing? i'm sure it was not a good idea that we played with him before putting him to bed, because i'm sure he wanted to play more. i usually go to bed late (between 12-2am). would it be better to crate him in another room earlier on when he starts falling asleep and then retreating to my room until i decide i want to sleep? at least this way he won't yelp in the middle of the night waking up all of the neighbors.. and how long does it usually take for him to get used to his crate? how many nights will he yelp like this? i know i'm not supposed to let him out and i don't plan on it, but it also doesn't help knowing that everyone who can hear him probably hates me. i'm fine with going to sleep with the yelping, but others aren't. 

what's really throwing me off is how his depression is rubbing off on me. all i do is worry about him! 

what do you guys think?

here's a picture of him looking depressed

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Comment by Melissa and Franklin! on April 23, 2012 at 12:50pm

He will be mopey for the first few days/weeks. You say he is 4 months old? Has he been with his litter the whole time or was he placed and then returned to the breeder? Is he vaccinated yet? If he isn't fully vaccinated he should not be going on walks yet. For leash training, he probably has NO IDEA what a collar/leash are. Imagine somebody tying a rope to your neck and tugging you around, how would you react? Best thing to do is slowly introduce the leash. Attatch it to him in the house and let him drag it around for a while, then slowly progress to walking outside. Obedience classes will be a great help for both of you and he is old enough to start them ASAP. Its also good for socializing puppies as well.

As for the bathroom, if he isn't eating he won't poop, but as you said if he is drinking he should be peeing. Does he have any freedom where you aren't watching him? Its pretty much impossible for him to hold his pee for days so he is going somewhere, you just have to find out where. Is his crate wet? Check every room, under beds etc. And make sure he is in fact drinking. If he isn't eating or drinking he needs to see a vet. Even if it is from depression pups can't go very long without food/water before they go downhill very quickly. Ideally he should see a vet anyway since you just got him. Usually breeders have a contract where they need to see a vet within the first 48-72 hours for any health guarantee the puppy is sold with.

For crating, you have to ignore him and wait it out. Again like the leash, he may have no idea what a crate is. He doesn't want to be locked up in a room alone when he is used to sleeping with his brothers/sisters/mother. He needs to learn the crate is his safe place. Put toys and treats in there when you lock him in and if he yelps or whiines you have to ignore him. Eventually he will go to his crate when he is ready to go to bed. You've only had him a day or two, be patient.. He just went through an incredibly traumatic life change and needs time to adjust.

You say his depression is rubbing off on you, but you also need to consider how your feelings are affecting him. Dogs are very sensitive to our emotions and perhaps YOUR depression is rubbing off on him and its becoming a vicious cycle. Try playing games with him, just petting him, cuddling, treats, etc. A bond won't happen overnight but it also won't happen if you are frustrated at him because he isn't acting how you pictured he should. He can tell when you are upset/frustrated and it will cause him to withdraw even more. Its really hard, but you need to put on a happy and supportive face for this little guy. My new dog has been with me for almost 2 months and we are still dealing with a lot of issues so you just need patience. Raising a puppy is not going to be easy in any way. After raising my first corgi Franklin, I had decided its something I NEVER want to do again! I am so glad I did though becuase he is the BEST dog in the entire world, but man he was a difficult puppy!

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