My son's English golden retriever, Charley, has been boarding with me and Cassie during work hours for the past two days.

At about two, Charley still has some puppy manners. Oh, what the heck. Let's just admit it: this is a beast for whom "training" has never been a very operative term. One of his favorite antics is counter-surfing. Meanwhile, it's worth noting that my son is truly a great cook, and that he likes to entertain his friends with wonderful food.

Over the weekend, he -- son, not dog -- prepared fried chicken for a small party of friends. The food on the table, he carried the pan of hot grease out to the laundry room, set it on the cold concrete floor, and closed the door on it, by way of keeping it out of reach of small children and large dogs.

Sunday he brings it inside so he can do his laundry and clean up the house. Sets the pan of now-congealed grease on the counter, as far from the edge as it will go, where he leaves it to warm up enough to  flow into a container so he can dispose of it.

Now he goes on about his business. Pretty soon he walks back through the kitchen and thinks, "That's odd. Looks like there's about half as much grease in the pan as there was a few minutes ago."

LOL! As that thought crosses his mind, he hears "hork hork hork hork HOOOORRRRKKKK!"

This would be the sound of a large dog barfing.

Charley had managed to stretch all the way up to the back of the counter to reach the puddle of grease, which he happily scarfed down and less happily woofed up.

Charley, who IMHO is the product of remarkably poor breeding by a not-altogether-honest backyard breeder, has a sensitive stomach to begin with. My son is very careful about what the pooch eats and feeds him only ultra-premium dog food. That notwithstanding, Charley gets a stomach upset at the drop of a hat. As you can imagine, half a pan of frying oil did not agree with him...

Seven o'clock Monday morning: the phone rings.

"Mom?"

"Yesh." Who else would it be at this hour?

"Would you watch Charley today? He has diarrhea and he's throwing up."

Oh, goodie! "Uhm, well...sure. Bring him over."

Hence, Charley to the Funny Farm, here to be chased around by the Queen of the Universe, who thinks he's a strange-looking sheep.

She could be right: Charley's IQ is about that of a sheep. Just between you and me and the lamp-post. ;-)

It took Charley two days to recover from his latest exploit. By yesterday evening he was OK. Presumably...it's only 6:30 as we scribble -- the kid doesn't leave for work until 7:45, so there's plenty of time for him to decide to show up here with the dog again. Let's hope the gluttonous hound is cured, for the nonce.

One vast benefit of a dog with short legs is that she can't reach the counter, so you don't have to exert yourself to demand that she stay off the counter!

LOL! I've offered my old Scat-Mats, which I used to communicate the counter-surfing ban to the late German shepherd, but my son thinks they're cruel.

Cruel? They have all the ferocity of a static charge from a doorknob after you've been shuffling around on a nylon carpet. I've stepped on them bare-footed and I've handled them when they were plugged in and, while they're annoying, they're not especially painful.

At any rate, Charley doesn't climb on my counters because when he was growing up and staying at my house for puppy day-care, I taped one of the things across the edge of the tilework and left it there for a few days. Slightly inconvenient, it was, to have to cook and clean around it...but a lot less inconvenient than having to knee an 80-pound dog off the kitchen counter every ten minutes.

Cassie is the first short dog I've had since, as a young girl, I escaped my mother's house and her crazy-making chihuahua. I've always felt you shouldn't have to bend down to pet your dog.

So wrong!

The inconvenience of bending down and of having to lift the dog into the car is so outweighed by the glory of a dog that can't get up on the counters, can't easily jump onto the sofa, and does not knock you to the ground if she takes it into her mind to jump up on you.

Ah, the benefits of a short-legged dog! Rabbit pellets instead of Everest-sized dog mounds to pick up. A dish of food each morning and evening instead of barrels of pooch food. No counter surfing. No sofa-hogging. Vast speed. And amazing cuteness.

Boss Corgi supervising retriever play

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Comment by Vicky Hay on December 14, 2013 at 3:08pm

@ Bogart: Thanks. I think the comments are the best part!

Comment by Bogart the Cardigan on December 14, 2013 at 11:49am
A very enjoyable post, including the comments!
Comment by Vicky Hay on December 14, 2013 at 12:37am

@ Judith: Holy mackerel! That's quite a doggy leap.

Friend of mine had a little black cockapoo that could jump, flat-footed, from a dinghy up to the deck of the big sailing yacht they owned. That was significantly higher than I am tall...maybe 8 or 10 feet. But then...i never thought Sam was really a dog, anyway...

Comment by Judith Andre on December 13, 2013 at 11:24pm

A Corgi was the only dog I've ever had get on my counter.  That was Zac.  My present dog Murray thinks it's grand to be the higher the better. He can jump up on a 24" surface with ease and then climb as high as circumstances allow.(it's the getting down I worry about)...then he turns around and plows through 8" agility bars!

Comment by Vicky Hay on December 13, 2013 at 12:25am

Maybe their legs secretly stretch when the humans aren't watching? This stuff is eerie! :-D

Comment by Jane Christensen on December 11, 2013 at 6:01pm

Couldn't find the pic but especially Wynn would climb the chair from the 1/2 wall to get up to the table and if it was full he would climb over the piano to get to the table.

Comment by Lawren and Teddy on December 11, 2013 at 4:09pm

Teddy once figured out how to get onto the dining room table and ate all of the cat food out of the bowl. He was determined and a determined corgi is a very crafty dog. Now the table is pushed against the settee and all the chairs pushed in but he still tries. I've caught him several times trying to wiggle his way up onto the settee. 

Comment by Natalie, Lance &Tucker on December 11, 2013 at 3:30pm

We have a pembroke here, that can jump up onto pub style chairs with his short legs!!  Both my corigs(one pembroke, one cardigan) can reach the counters if its close enough to the edge, heck even if its not so close, its crazy how far they can stretch if they really want too!! 

Edit:  I also have to push in my computer chair every time I get up, or Tucker is up on the chair, to see whats on the desk for him.  He has even gotten on to the computer desk without the chair!!! :O

Comment by Linda on December 11, 2013 at 12:02pm

Melissa...Hahahaha!    Max is not a jumper and Katie tho she can jump has never tried to get on the table or counter.

Vicky...I think the cat(s), don't know which one did it, were just trying to be nice.  They all get along good.  Years ago I had a rottie/shep mix along with different cats than I have now.  Winter came along and I tend to get mice.  The cats were always good mousers.  I came home from work one day and found a dead mouse laying directly in the middle of the dog dish.  Was it a treat for the dog?

The ham incident with the wolfhound was made even worse because my daughter was In the kitchen when it happened.  She was doing the dishes, I was upstairs.  Her back was to the island and that dog was so quiet about it that when I came back into the kitchen, saw the ham gone I asked her if she put it in the fridge...no.  That's when I went looking for the dog...all that was left was the huge bone, he had eaten all the meat off it and was trying the get the marrow out.

You couldn't leave a dirty plate on the island and walk out of the room.  I made that mistake once...2 dirty plates from spaghetti.  When I came back in the kitchen he was still on all 4s but was slurping the plates...I had spaghetti sauce splattered all over my kitchen.  Of course that was my male wolfhound, my female never did things like that.  Of course he was my only obedience school drop out of all the dogs I've had.

Comment by Vicky Hay on December 11, 2013 at 11:39am

@ Melissa & Franklin!

Holy mackerel! A levitating dog! Occasionally I've suspected Cassie of secretly being a space alien. This may be confirmation...

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