Goodbye, Dooley -- I will always love and remember you!
On Saturday, October 31st, (Halloween) Dooley was taken to Texas to be adopted. I didn't pre-post or discuss this ahead of time, as I didn't want to vacillate and question myself in self torment. Now, that I'm home, slept for a few hours after a long road trip, am drinking coffee while Topaz and Frankie are outside enjoying the beautiful weather and sunshine, I'm actually tormented anyway.
After 2 1/2 months of fostering Dooley, awaiting placement, getting excited because a space became available, then let down due to an emergency, I rode the roller coaster of emotional ups and downs for a long time trying not to get attached but being unable to resist.
Now, the house and yard are quiet, deafening quiet, and my ears are ringing to the memory of his
Corgi-roo-roo-rooooo, his grunts, growns, and moans, the playful chases around the house in circles until all three were so tuckered out they just plopped on the floor and went to sleep.
I've spent the last few hours going through all the emails and emergency postings when he first showed up on the "radar" needing a home. I can't bring myself to delete them, as they are a reminder of how hard everyone here worked to help me get him out of the situation he was in. They are also a reminder of how determined I was to save his life.
Dooley was transformed from this --
-- scared and not knowing where he was, why he was there, and what would happen to him -- to this --
-- happy and confident in just the first 24 hours of being in my home with buddies to play with, food, water, warm bed, and all the lovies he could ever want.
A lot of people said I would find the right thing to do for Dooley, but what about the right thing for me? I know, I'm being selfish again. But I just went into the office and saw his blankie, still with his body shape embedded in the fluffs, and I stopped in my tracks and almost cried.
I had a lot of time to think on the way home, and became angry at how his owners didn't look for him in the shelter, and how after I was finally able to get him to safety, I went through the hard job of assessing him. The more I observed in him, the more I fell in love with him, and became resentful of him being such a great dog -- I was unable to control my favoritism towards him against Topaz and Frankie and hated myself for loving him so much -- a lot of irony there!.
Even upon transfer from my car to the other car, Dooley made me proud! He didn't whine, whimper, or stand at the window clawing for me. I told him he was going to a new home with both a mommy and a daddy that could devote all their time and attention to him, instead of one mommy who had to divide herself between deadlines at work and then 3 little ones at home, someplace where he would be King Kahuna. He understood. He simply lay down on the pillow in the passenger seat and waited to go. He's such a great dog!
But I'm still angry -- angry because after my heart was/is invested -- I kept a diary of Dooley's attributes and printed out a full 2 pages of bio for the adoption with only two negatives listed -- an investment of time and love that so many others missed out on for whatever reason. Now after I've done the documenting, everyone wants him, but no one really wanted to "try and see" for theirselves, they let me make their decision easy for them, and I'm angry.
I'm angry for the timing not being right for me to be able to keep him and money tight in my bank account.
Of the 3 rescues, Dooley, Frankie, and Topaz, Dooley was definitely the most adoptable, and I'm angry.
I'm angry. Am I angry for the right reasons? Or am I having a spell of separation anxiety?
After 2 1/2 months of fostering Dooley, awaiting placement, getting excited because a space became available, then let down due to an emergency, I rode the roller coaster of emotional ups and downs for a long time trying not to get attached but being unable to resist.
Now, the house and yard are quiet, deafening quiet, and my ears are ringing to the memory of his
Corgi-roo-roo-rooooo, his grunts, growns, and moans, the playful chases around the house in circles until all three were so tuckered out they just plopped on the floor and went to sleep.
I've spent the last few hours going through all the emails and emergency postings when he first showed up on the "radar" needing a home. I can't bring myself to delete them, as they are a reminder of how hard everyone here worked to help me get him out of the situation he was in. They are also a reminder of how determined I was to save his life.
Dooley was transformed from this --
-- scared and not knowing where he was, why he was there, and what would happen to him -- to this --
-- happy and confident in just the first 24 hours of being in my home with buddies to play with, food, water, warm bed, and all the lovies he could ever want.
A lot of people said I would find the right thing to do for Dooley, but what about the right thing for me? I know, I'm being selfish again. But I just went into the office and saw his blankie, still with his body shape embedded in the fluffs, and I stopped in my tracks and almost cried.
I had a lot of time to think on the way home, and became angry at how his owners didn't look for him in the shelter, and how after I was finally able to get him to safety, I went through the hard job of assessing him. The more I observed in him, the more I fell in love with him, and became resentful of him being such a great dog -- I was unable to control my favoritism towards him against Topaz and Frankie and hated myself for loving him so much -- a lot of irony there!.
Even upon transfer from my car to the other car, Dooley made me proud! He didn't whine, whimper, or stand at the window clawing for me. I told him he was going to a new home with both a mommy and a daddy that could devote all their time and attention to him, instead of one mommy who had to divide herself between deadlines at work and then 3 little ones at home, someplace where he would be King Kahuna. He understood. He simply lay down on the pillow in the passenger seat and waited to go. He's such a great dog!
But I'm still angry -- angry because after my heart was/is invested -- I kept a diary of Dooley's attributes and printed out a full 2 pages of bio for the adoption with only two negatives listed -- an investment of time and love that so many others missed out on for whatever reason. Now after I've done the documenting, everyone wants him, but no one really wanted to "try and see" for theirselves, they let me make their decision easy for them, and I'm angry.
I'm angry for the timing not being right for me to be able to keep him and money tight in my bank account.
Of the 3 rescues, Dooley, Frankie, and Topaz, Dooley was definitely the most adoptable, and I'm angry.
I'm angry. Am I angry for the right reasons? Or am I having a spell of separation anxiety?
Comment
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Comment by GoGoRainbow on November 3, 2009 at 1:00am
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when I look at that first picture of Dooley, and imagine Pooka in that situation and of course I tear up. Just wanted to say, if Pooka ever got lost and somehow wasn't able to get back to me, I would hope she'd find someone like you.
Glad Dooley's on here =)
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Comment by Millie Williams on November 2, 2009 at 4:54am
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Deanna, this is the side of rescue that so many of us know and so few people who are not in rescue don't understand. All I can say is that it will get easier with each dog. Try to focus on the excitement in the new owners' eyes and how happy they are to meet their new corgi! Dooley is GORGEOUS and he was so lucky to have you as his angel. I think bh tri fluffies are among the most beautiful of all corgis! It's hard to give control and care over to someone who you really "don't know" except from what you can see and what they can write. You will learn that although you feel as if you are the only one who can provide him with a good home, gosh, there are so many others out there who can do that same thing. He will be loved and cherished. And that is what you should think about, you were a small portion of his life but oh, so important!
I placed an 11 year old in July, she had been with me for 10 1/2 months. She was a really cool dog but a blob when she came here because she was 20+ lbs overweight and could not even do the three steps to my front yard. We put her on a diet and when she lost the first 10 lbs, along about late Dec. or early Jan., she was a different dog. Still chubby but those black shining eyes were suddenly full of life. All she did before was lie around, too fat and too miserable to live or move.
Her new home has kept her on her strict diet and they love her so much...she just turned 12 in October. I was terrified they would allow her to get fat again but sent them photos of how awful she looked when she came to me.
That is the joy in rescue, in helping the dog as well as seeing how delighted the people are with their new friend. Try to focus on that. I, too, would love to keep them all, but know that I can't, however, I always make sure there is room here for at least one elder corgi, which is what I specialize in. And they do get adopted!
Chin up, my friend. You did a good thing for lots of people today.
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Comment by Edward and Gemima on November 1, 2009 at 11:17pm
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Dooley is such a lucky dog to have had you in his life, and to have a chance thanks to your love and committment at finding happiness in a new home!!!! If you had not intended to find a new family for him he may have still been waiting to be rescued or worse..........
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Comment by Beth on November 1, 2009 at 9:32pm
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Hi Deanna. Fostering sounds like it must be heart-wrenching at times. The really good dogs get patched up and moved on to new homes in short order, while the foster people end up keeping the difficult ones and the sick ones and the ancient ones for a very long time, or sometimes forever. I know from your posts how much you loved Dooley, and you must be so disappointed that you found a "heart" dog and were not able to keep him because the timing was off. I can't imagine how hard that must be.
As for your anger, let me try to share some experiences to perhaps give a different perspective. You say his old owners did not try to find him, and that may be true. Sometimes it's not the case, though. I just saw a news story of a rescue that had a Rottie that they knew was someone's pet. They found her in the woods along a highway. After much researching they found there had been a bad car accident there. The owners were seriously injured and in critical care, and were given the impression the dog had died. In a case closer to home, my brother's next-door-neighbor lost their lab and checked the shelter and took an ad and everything. Heartbroken, they gave up after some time. Then one day the guy was driving somewhere and saw someone walking his dog! (it was a weird mottled reddish color; unusual for a lab). He pulled over and sure enough, it was really his dog. Turns out the dog had ended up in a shelter some 20 or more miles away from home. Who knows what happened? The dog might have originally been stolen in another state and then dumped or something. Or the owner might have been killed in a car accident. Sure maybe they just dumped the dog, but we just never know.
As for the new owners and prospective owners not being able to give needy dogs the chances you do.... you have a point there; many of us never would. We have good reasons, though. Shawn and I live busy lives, like many people. We both work and are gone for up to 9 hours at a stretch. We live by a busy park and any dog we have needs to be able to handle the constant comings and goings in nice weather. We need a dog that is pretty bomb-proof with little kids and other dogs, our elderly cat, mini-marathons that go by our door just about every weekend from mid-summer to autumn, the ROTC practicing drills by us, and all the rest. We like to camp and hike, we travel and need to board our dog. So we need a dog that can handle all the hustle and bustle, be confident enough to be left, active enough to go with us when we do outdoorsy things, and still calm enough to basically chill out here and sleep for 9 hours unattended at a stretch. We did a tremendous amount of breed research to find a dog that would be suitable for our lifestyle, and we found it in the Welsh Corgi. And even with the breed suitability, we need a dog that is confident and socialized enough to deal with the things we like to do in life. We also need a dog even-tempered enough to not be a total disaster with my easy-going husband who's a big pushover with dogs. A rescue would be a very iffy prospect to bring in. We have two dogs; one we raised ourselves and the other we got as an adult, but in both cases we relied on people (in this case a breeder) more experienced than ourselves to assess the temperament of the dogs and tell us that yes, this dog would be great in your home. At this point in our lives we have the time to devote to keeping a well-adjusted dog happy, but not the time nor the lifestyle to rehabilitate a problem dog.
People like you, and the parent rescue organizations, and the good breeders, are absolutely necessary so that people like us can have dogs that are as happy in our homes as we are to have them. You do a very special thing. Dooley owes his life to you, and I am sure his new owners are more grateful than they can say.
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Comment by Stephanie on November 1, 2009 at 9:05pm
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You're his angel.
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Comment by Angela on November 1, 2009 at 9:04pm
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I know Dooley thanks you and thinks of you everyday. You gave him a second chance at love!
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Comment by Bev Levy on November 1, 2009 at 8:18pm
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hugs and corgi kisses for you Deanna! Anger is a stage in the grief you are feeling right now. I hope eventually it moves on to acceptance and happy memories. You really deserve to feel good about all you did for a very special dog. Without people like you that are willing to go through the hard part dogs like Dooley would never know a happy life. Thankyou!
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Comment by Ginny and Diggory on November 1, 2009 at 7:17pm
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Thanks for giving Dooley a second chance at life and love. If he could speak, he would thank you for taking a chance on him. I hope he is happy and snuggling with people who love him as much as you did.
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Comment by Cindi on November 1, 2009 at 7:07pm
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Deana, I feel your pain. I know this was heart-wrenching for you. You took a dog that was obviously depressed and loved him into being a happy, healthy, loving dog. Of that you can be assured. And after putting that much of yourself into Dooley, I'm certain you found the right home for him. Bless you for taking him in, caring for him, and giving him the life he deserved.
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Comment by Jane Christensen on November 1, 2009 at 4:17pm
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I just thought of Dooley a couple days ago and was going to email you Deana...I think I'm glad I didn't...not to be mean but you were probably getting ready to make this trip! I don't envy you as I don't know what I would/could have done if it had been me!! It sounds like you did the right thing for both of you even if your heart said something else! Remember that maybe you both needed each other, Dooley to learn how to trust and you to be his link between death and/or a wonderful full life with loving people! I think everyone that followed this would say "thanks" many of us may have wanted to "help" BUT YOU DID HELP!!!!
Anger is a natural reaction and I totally can understand this! So sorry what you're going through as I sit here with tears running down my face...all I can say is "thank you" for giving Dooley not only a home how ever short but also for giving him a new life!!!!!
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