Irritated with my mother over dog's behavior
Okay, my MOM isn't having behavior problems (not usually ), it's my corgi, Simon!
Simon is 19 weeks old now -- he is usually a VERY good boy -- except with my mother. (This may be a bit long.)
I'm going to try to say this without being 'offensive' to seniors, but -- my mother is 78 years old, stubborn, set in her ways, and wants to do things 'HER WAY'. She dismisses everything I say, especially in regard to dogs. Her response is always 'Well, I had two dogs and THEY never did that.'
I live with my mother out of necessity -- I'm trying to get in a situation financially where I can get out on my own again. Right now, that won't be for at LEAST two years, possibly three.
My mother knows I have and always will have dogs, and she's fine with that, she loves dogs. She was thrilled when I got Simon. She is retired and is home 90% of the time, and spends most of the day watching television, reading, and talking on the phone. When I am away, Simon is in his crate.
When I am home, Simon can free roam in the house. And his favorite thing to do – aside from eat – is bug my mother and drive her crazy!
From day one when he came home, my mom coddled him and took him on her lap and anytime he’d nip at her she’d just go ‘don’t do that’ and proceed to rub his belly.
I tried to tell my mother NOT to do this – that it was just reinforcing the nipping. But I might as well have been telling the wall, cause she didn’t listen.
Well, now Simon is almost 5 months old, and he jumps on her and nips at her and barks at her. NOW she’s trying to ‘discipline’ him – use the squirt bottle, etc. Nothing works. He doesn’t CARE. He thinks it’s a GAME.
When my mom isn’t home, Simon is an angel. I rarely, if ever, have to scold or correct him. He listens to me and respects me. When we go out places, Simon is VERY well-behaved. When we’re in my room, Simon sits quietly at my feet and plays with his toys, and he snuggles with me in bed.
It seems that he only acts out around my mother. He treats her the same way that he treats Josie, my other dog – as a pack playmate. And he doesn’t understand why my mother doesn’t ‘respond’ the way Josie does to his nips and barks and general hyperness.
I just don’t know what to do. My mom can’t play with him like I do – best she can do with him is ‘fetch’ (which she does do and he enjoys a lot). And she can’t get up and leave the room when he’s acting out because she moves too slow and he chases her and bites her feet, like it’s a game.
This is all HER fault, cause I tried to tell her from day one and she wouldn’t listen, and now it’s MY job to ‘fix’ the problem that SHE created. It’s getting VERY frustrating. And I’m irritated cause if she had listened to me in the first place, this wouldn’t be an issue.
ANY advice? At all?????
Simon is 19 weeks old now -- he is usually a VERY good boy -- except with my mother. (This may be a bit long.)
I'm going to try to say this without being 'offensive' to seniors, but -- my mother is 78 years old, stubborn, set in her ways, and wants to do things 'HER WAY'. She dismisses everything I say, especially in regard to dogs. Her response is always 'Well, I had two dogs and THEY never did that.'
I live with my mother out of necessity -- I'm trying to get in a situation financially where I can get out on my own again. Right now, that won't be for at LEAST two years, possibly three.
My mother knows I have and always will have dogs, and she's fine with that, she loves dogs. She was thrilled when I got Simon. She is retired and is home 90% of the time, and spends most of the day watching television, reading, and talking on the phone. When I am away, Simon is in his crate.
When I am home, Simon can free roam in the house. And his favorite thing to do – aside from eat – is bug my mother and drive her crazy!
From day one when he came home, my mom coddled him and took him on her lap and anytime he’d nip at her she’d just go ‘don’t do that’ and proceed to rub his belly.
I tried to tell my mother NOT to do this – that it was just reinforcing the nipping. But I might as well have been telling the wall, cause she didn’t listen.
Well, now Simon is almost 5 months old, and he jumps on her and nips at her and barks at her. NOW she’s trying to ‘discipline’ him – use the squirt bottle, etc. Nothing works. He doesn’t CARE. He thinks it’s a GAME.
When my mom isn’t home, Simon is an angel. I rarely, if ever, have to scold or correct him. He listens to me and respects me. When we go out places, Simon is VERY well-behaved. When we’re in my room, Simon sits quietly at my feet and plays with his toys, and he snuggles with me in bed.
It seems that he only acts out around my mother. He treats her the same way that he treats Josie, my other dog – as a pack playmate. And he doesn’t understand why my mother doesn’t ‘respond’ the way Josie does to his nips and barks and general hyperness.
I just don’t know what to do. My mom can’t play with him like I do – best she can do with him is ‘fetch’ (which she does do and he enjoys a lot). And she can’t get up and leave the room when he’s acting out because she moves too slow and he chases her and bites her feet, like it’s a game.
This is all HER fault, cause I tried to tell her from day one and she wouldn’t listen, and now it’s MY job to ‘fix’ the problem that SHE created. It’s getting VERY frustrating. And I’m irritated cause if she had listened to me in the first place, this wouldn’t be an issue.
ANY advice? At all?????
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Beth on
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You're right that mom helped create the situation, but now it's up to you (unfortunately) to fix it.
Are you teaching Simon "leave it?" We use "leave it" to mean "that has nothing to do with you." It means, collectively "Drop it", "Spit it out", "Don't pick it up," "Ignore it", "Don't hump that three-legged beagle" etc. Whatever Jack has been told to "leave" means, to him, to act like it does not exist.
So if you are working on "leave it" you might try telling him to "leave it" whenever he bothers your mom excessively, and if he does not then pick him up and remove him. I know it's not the dog's fault that mom has conditioned him to behave this way with her, but it will be easier to train the dog than mom!
When he gets a little bit older most of this behavior will probably disappear on its own. The other thing you can do is as long as you are there to make sure he doesn't hang himself, leave the leash on when mom is in the room so you can catch him quickly if he gets crazy with her.
I feel for you. I too have had to correct problems in my dog that were initiated by other people. With me, for example, Jack's fanny hits the ground when he sees a treat. With strangers he will generally leap and snap and make a nuisance of himself because two people who have dogs that we know, and should know better, rewarded this sort of behavior. Now I need to correct something that should never have been an issue. Grrr.
So, I do sympathize. Good luck! Maybe someone else has better tips on training mothers. LOL
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Permalink Reply by Bev Levy on
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Oh this sounds so familiar! We don't live with the folks but Sparty is a very loud greeter because my mom loves to bring treats with her and makes a fuss over him when she walks in the door! I tell her and dad "leave him alone until he calms down" but it doesn't work. So since we can not train them, we leash Sparty and keep him with us when they first come over. That is probably what you will need to do. Beth's idea of leave it is a good suggestion. If he doesn't respond you can leash him and stop the behavior. It will take a little but your pup is way more trainable than Mom! A very outgoing corgi is much different than a lot of dogs, that is why we are all so smitten! But it does take a little more training.
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Permalink Reply by Derek on
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Sit her in front of a few episodes of Ceasar Milan (Dog Whisperer) and Its me or the Dog. Maybe she will absorb some of it. When I say something my family does not listen, if a person on TV says it, then the voice of God is upon them and they act. I don't get it, but there you go.
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Permalink Reply by Valerie and Simon on
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Thank you for the replies! And an update . . . . . .
I tried to sit down with my mother and 'explain' Simon's thought process in regard to her -- that he thinks that she is his EQUAL, and not an 'alpha' in the pack. He may even think that she is 'beneath' him in the pack.
She basically says I'm full of it, I don't know what I'm talking about, that he loves her, etc.
I try to explain to her that LOVE and RESPECT are not the same thing. Dogs can love a person without having RESPECT for them as a pack leader. She doesn't get it.
So now I have to retrain this dog to behave around my mom. Which aggravates me, cause he behaves everywhere else BUT with her.
Did I mention she's also taught my OTHER dog -- Josie, a 10-year old beage/pitbull mix who is a VERY good girl -- some VERY bad habits that she didn't have UNTIL we moved in with her (such as mooching).
But -- I'm stupid and any bad behavior is clearly because I 'spoil them' too much. Says the woman who coddles them, showers them with treats, and then says they 'don't know how to behave' when they act like pests around her. Which, as I said, is clearly MY fault.
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I should clarify, it is my in-laws that spoil my dogs. I would give almost anything to have my Mom walk in the door and spoil them! Alas, she is gone now and I have learned to appreciate the folks I have. They won't be here forever and I will miss them when they are gone!! Some day hopefully not too soon this will be a fun story you will tell about your mom.
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Permalink Reply by Sarah C. on
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I have the same problem, with a complication. My dad is 78 and have alzheimer's. It would be ridiculous and cruel of me to expect to be able to explain anything to him and have him retain it so. On top of that, he is immuno-surpressed and has "thin skin" so I cannot
I taught her "leave it" and "No bite". Now when I am far away in my room, I just have to call, "LEAVE IT"(or an alternative she understands, GET OUT OF IT!) and it ends the situation. Besides that, I simply supervise most of the time.
It's a hassle but it's worked out. She's nearly two now and has figured out that she can be quietly pet by dad, or sit near him and nap and watch tv. Let me be real. When she was younger, it was a CONSTANT AND IRRITATING BATTLE.
Good Luck.
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Permalink Reply by Avyon on
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This sounds like a deeper issue then just with the dog but it sounds like he brought it more out in the open and now sadly you have to clean up the mess afterward. I think this same issue will not be solved until that original issue is taken care of.
Its hard for parents to listen to their children.. I think its engrained in their brains for certain things.. and they can't help it.. It's like training your corg for 10 years.. and then the last 2 have them turn around and try to tell you whats wrong and right with the situation lol.
I learned its also hard for a pup to bond with the right person when that person is gone all the time (and we all have to work). I learned this when we first got Roxi and brought her to work with us.. she started bonding to one of the office employees instead of me who was out working with clients lol but there has been a lot of discussion - its your choice.
My parents and Chris's parents are just as bad... we told them no sleeping in bed... and no human food...
and of course when we came back to get her.... she was begging (never had before) and ran into their bedroom when they were getting ready for bed and hopped right up there!
my mother is now known as the 'cheese' lady... -_-
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