Puppy is frenzied around males. How to calm him?
Hi everyone!
I'm sad that my first post here is about this, but I'm seriously at my wits end and not sure of how to handle this situation.
My boyfriend and I brought home an 8 week old Pem about a week ago (making the puppy 9 weeks old now). The first night we brought him home, he was very upset from the car, and so we did everything we could to try to make him feel happy and safe in the house. My boyfriend and I both (despite a heavy sense of foreboding on my part) let our new addition lick and nibble on our fingers since it seemed to calm him. Almost immediately when we took him out to play the next day or two he would go right for our hands.
At this point, immediately, I snapped my fingers, said "No" firmly and redirected him to a bone, or another toy he could chew on instead of my fingers. When I moved that object in front of his face, I would tell him "OK!" and then praise him when he took it and chewed on it. We've continued training from there, and at this point if he starts to gnaw on something he shouldn't (wood furniture mostly) I'll snap my fingers, say "No!" firmly, and he'll stop. I praise him when he sniffs around the furniture and passes it without chewing on it. When we play I'll get his attention with a toy, toss it away, and tell him "Take it!" We're still working on leave it, and down, but he will sit and stay for me as well as take a toy when I throw it and bring it back.
My boyfriend is a completely different story. I'm not sure when he stopped LETTING the puppy chew on his fingers, but I'm pretty sure it was at least a day after I stopped letting him (I stopped him the next day after reading that it could develop a bad behavior). When he goes in to play with the puppy, Rufus goes insane. He is constantly jumping on him trying to nip at his hands/feet/any part he can get to. If my boyfriend says "No" or yelps, it gets Rufus more riled up. He's tried standing up and ignoring him, but then he tugs at my boyfriends' clothes. When he says no to that, Rufus persists. When he ignores him, he gets more riled up. I purchased the book Mother Knows Best at the recommendation of a few breeders I've spoken to as I heard it was a good book for people who are new puppy parents, and her advice is to to stop play when puppy nips/tugs at something he shouldn't and say "No!". If he persists, step two is hold his collar and shake him slightly (very very lightly to get his attention) and say "No!" again. If he's still all riled up, then its 2-3 minute time out in the crate. My boyfriend has given Rufus a lot of crate time outs where he leaves the room and turns off the lights to signal playtime is over if he plays like that, the other two steps are done but they only get Rufus more frenzied. Rufus is still persisting in acting like that. We tried redirecting to other toys, no change. I told my boyfriend this morning to feed Rufus, to see if that would help, but Rufus came out and just went nuts on him again, and ignored his food completely. When I put his food out he vacuums it right up. I've tried staying in the room and trying to redirect Rufus and he completely ignores me and any method I try to use, from calling him to trying to put another toy in his mouth to offering him treats.
I know he's 9 weeks old and he's probably treating my boyfriend as a littermate, but he acts like this when my brother comes over and with our male housemate as well. I'm starting to get concerned that this is going to be a bad habit/behavior that will carry over into his adult years if we don't nip it in the bud now, but I'm at a total loss as to how to do that effectively.
Does anyone have any suggestions or proven methods?
I should note, Rufus growls and barks sometimes when he plays with my boyfriend, but it's never really in an angry threatening way. His nips and tugs are not angry or overly hard unless he gets excited. It's not an attack, I know he's just trying to play. I just want to mark for you all that he is definitely not trying to do anything but play.
Thank you all in advance. If you need more details please ask.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Bev Levy on
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He is such a baby right now, don't read too much into his behavior yet. As a baby he recognized your boyfriend as a possible playmate not his Daddy. High pitched yelps when the teeth come out will help and if he gets wound up more consider putting him in a puppy safe but boring room for a few minutes until he calms. It may take some repetition but if you are consistent he will get the idea that if he bites humans life becomes boring. Also, be sure he gets plenty of short playtime to help expend some of that energy. Right now his thought process involves only his immediate desire, in time he will start understanding the rules of his new environment and the new language.I would hesitate to use the crate for punishment as it should be a good place for him. Try the kitchen, or hallway or even an x-pen. A very consistent approach makes a huge difference in his development. Enjoy it the puppy years don't last long!
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Permalink Reply by Christina & Rufus on
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My boyfriend plays with him mostly in the early morning when Rufus first wakes up and at night, before we bring him out for the last time. This is mostly due to his work schedule. So, I could definitely understand Rufus having a lot of pent up energy and needing more exercise at those times. We have him in an empty bedroom (there are two armchairs and a wooden end table in there but that's it) as opposed to an x-pen. I was putting off looking for an x-pen until it got warmer outside. We will stop using the crate as punishment definitely - but right now it is the only "puppy safe" area aside from the room we have him in - so having an x-pen set up in another room would definitely be a solution for a quiet area for him to calm down. I'll go buy one shortly. Thanks for the advice!
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Permalink Reply by Yuki & Ellie on
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This is a bit of a tricky situation, as the usual methods for discouraging mouthing (verbal cue "no", redirection to a toy) aren't working. When you have to resort to time-out in the crate or a quiet room, it's almost guaranteed to take much longer to get your point across. This doesn't mean you should stop it, but just keep in mind that it won't be as fast as other methods.
I am no expert here, but this is what I would do. You get the puppy and go play, take him for a walk and get him good and tired. Not to the point where he'll just crash the moment you stop moving, but make sure a good chunk of his energy has been spent. He should be fairly calm, as puppies go, at this point. Keep a leash on him so that you still have control. Then bring in your boyfriend. Have your boyfriend stay back if the puppy is tugging and generally going nuts trying to get to him. Correct the puppy and wait for him to be calm again. Now your boyfriend can get down on the floor and interact with the puppy. Play shouldn't be a focus. Instead, I would have your boyfriend try to teach the puppy a trick. Get him to teach the puppy how to sit (if he doesn't know that command all ready.) If the puppy starts to nip at all, or otherwise mouth hands, arms, clothing, etc., then your boyfriend should move out of reach and you should correct the puppy the way you usually do. Praise good behavior with toys, treats and/or lots of attention.
Another thing I would recommend is having your boyfriend take the puppy out on a leash and walk (once you have the nipping at heels under some sort of control). It will help to establish him as a leader instead of a play toy.
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This is a really good idea!! I didn't even think of doing that! Rufus walks well on a leash with me - I've been taking him for REALLY short (less than 2 minute) walks after he goes out and goes potty, and he is pretty good about walking next to me. It usually does tire him out. We'll definitely try that!
He just gets so excited that he can't focus on anything else it seems, so we'll say no, or clap loudly and it won't even distract him.
My boyfriend did say that this morning he started listening when he said "No!" so hopefully it's starting to work.
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Permalink Reply by Melissa and Franklin! on
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Great idea to leash him until he learns manners, however he should not be out for walks until he has all of his vaccines. Even in the winter/snow/rain dogs can get parvo.
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You're absolutely right! I probably should have clarified a bit. I used to take Ellie on "walks" in the house to get her used to the leash and not pulling. I'd leash her up and then take her to areas of the house that she doesn't usually have access to (like the basement or upstairs) and then end it with a potty break where we continued our leash work. Once she had her vaccines we moved the leash work to outdoors. ;)
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Permalink Reply by Jane on
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A stern "time out" and 5-10 minutes in a puppy safe room worked the best for us, and quickly. If he is still wound up after a few minutes in the crate I would leave him there until he settles down. He sounds like he might need a bit more exercise too maybe.
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Yes, as I said above he gets a lot of exercise - it's just that due to my boyfriend's work schedule, the primary times he is playing with Rufus are first thing when Rufus wakes up and last time we bring him out, so he definitely would have excess energy at those times.
Thanks!
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Permalink Reply by Jane Christensen on
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The minute he is displaying an unwanted behavior I would "yelp" turn away and totally ignore him playtime is done till he calms down. Then come back and play on your terms when he is calm. Quit again if he gets too rowdy. Your boyfriend may really need to step up and do this. You are right in wanting to get this under control now. If he gets mixed messages it will be all the harder also. I have always used the "owe" turn and ignore with my arms folded and back turned(even if your laughing to yourself).Exercise is important as Jane states. If you are consistant this will help.
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The yelping seemed to get him MORE excited, if you can believe that.
This morning, my boyfriend was firm with the "Nos" and he said Rufus was starting to calm down a bit. Also, he said that once Rufus got tired out he stopped being so aggressive/nippy. Apparently I was wrong, and he gets like that with my boyfriends sister as well. He's very well behaved with me, though, and if he gets crazy or aggressive it's towards his toys, never towards me. Maybe he just thinks I'm no fun!
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I'm sure a lot of other people on here have some good advice for you on how to fix this issue. To me it sounds like there may have been men/boys (maybe male kids?) at the breeders that used to play rough with him. Many times kids think a puppy acting tough is so funny or cute so they continue to play that way creating very bad behaviors. Lucky for you he is still young and you will be able to fix it. An obedience class with Rufus and your boyfriend as handler may help to reinforce your boyfriend's position as alpha over rufus instead of just a fun playmate. Also, until you get this issue fixed, your boyfriend can't EVER play rough with him because that will just reinforce the behavior and confuse him.
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The breeder has two sons and she told us she had them and their friends play with the puppies to socialize them. IDK if she supervised them when they played, but most boys do tend to play rough, so that would definitley make sense as to why he has these issues with guys.
Mike (my boyfriend) is starting to understand that he just can't play rough, at least not for a long while until Rufus understands leave it/drop it/sit or down to end the games, and is better trained. We are going to try to find an obedience class ASAP and I definitely agree that Mike should handle him. We already switched so that Mike is the one putting down Rufus' food to make Rufus aware that Mike has the control there. Hopefully all this helps!
Thanks!
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