Please don't hate me! I've made a horrible mistake!

I shaved Al. I got stoned and shaved Al. Not just a “lion cut”. Everything.

I know, I know, I’ve done a terrible thing. I feel awful. How could I do this? He looks so miserable -- like a plucked chicken with ears. At least I didn’t cut him.

You may know that Washington State just voted to legalize marijuana, and so… well… I got some. Just to try, y’know? I got, like, kinda stoned, and then we took our morning walk to the coffee shop, and it was, like, this totally beautiful day with sun shining and flowers blooming and birds singing and everyone smiling and laughing. I forgot the fanny-pack that holds my dog tools and poop bags (urban neighborhood, we clean up) – so I put the bagged poop in my left jacket pocket (usually, I never put poop bags in my pockets, ick). I got my coffee, and gave them their treats… and some extra treats… they seemed so yummy that I tried some myself (never thought of that before), and y’know what? They’re not bad. Pretty tasty, actually. I also bought a muffin – they sell day-old pastries for $1, wrapped in saran wrap – which I put in my right jacket pocket for later. Then we returned home, and I was going to shave, and then wash the dogs, and … well, I guess I was confused… I took a shower (with dog shampoo)… and then I shaved Al. Completely.

Once I straightened up and realized what I’d done, I got him a blanket to keep him warm, but how can I take him outside? It’s still quite cold. How long will it take to grow back? It will grow back… won’t it?

He’ll be OK. It’s not that, it’s… how can I ever look him in the eye again? How can I look myself in the eye again? Have I lost his trust forever? What can I do to regain it? Will he forgive me? Will I forgive myself? I’ll do the right thing, I’ll go into rehab. But have I ruined our relationship forever?

I am so embarrassed. Mortified. It gets worse – seeing Al’s discomfiture, Gwynnie went frapping gleefully through the pile of loose fur, so now it’s everywhere, everywhere – and the dog shampoo was this silly “All Natural” stuff with a “dog friendly” scent, so now I smell like drowned earthworms or something, and I can’t get it off me. And that muffin in my right jacket pocket? Ew, I don’t want to talk about it, it’s almost as bad as that stoned babysitter who was supposed to put the ham in the oven and the baby in the crib.

What an awful day.

5 members like this