I am certain that things are better on this side of the door--the healing side. Will I always stay on this side? Probably not. But I know it's here and I know how to get here. I'm sure I'll make trips back and forth through the door--at least for quite a while. I still tear-up when I think about Stinky Wink and how awfully quiet this house is during the day. He was such a wonderful friend and companion. The statue for his grave came yesterday. I have seen him sit that way so many, many…

I was out in the back yard yesterday afternoon, checking on the many flowers which have decided it is spring. I hope they don't get an unpleasant surprise. I also came across a couple of Stinky Wink's old toys. He had an odd habit. Very often--but not always--when I asked if he wanted to go outside, he would grab the closest toy he could find (or go hunting for one) and take it outside with us. Once outside, he would drop it in the grass. He never played with it, and I could never figure it…

There is a rather long scar running down the center of my chest. It is a reminder of the heart surgery I had two years ago. Amazingly, I remember little of the surgery or the pain involved afterward, or during recovery. It's a reminder, but the negative aspects have faded. Instead, I remember that my life was saved; I remember the excellent care of doctors and nurses, the love of family and friends. I also have several small scars from gall bladder surgery last year. Though much less…

I decided that I would write an obituary for Stinky Wink, just as I would for any family member. It has been a great healing activity. I thought I would share it.

Morgan “Stinky Wink”

Hugh Owen Morgan of Cardiff, better known as Morgan “Stinky Wink” was born 27 May 2000 on a farm near Raymond, Illinois, to AKC Pembroke Welsh Corgi parents. In August 2000, he came to live with his human parents, Randy and Arlis DeJaynes of  Decatur, Illinois, brought there…

We have lots of sunshine this morning, and that helps in the grief management process. The past several days have been dark, which really tends to add to a gloomy attitude. I'm beginning to remember our routines together with happiness rather than loss. Usually I drive our "walk route" at least once a day because it's the only way out of our neighborhood. For a long time it bothered me because "walkies" was one of our favorite times together. But last night my wife and I decided to go to DQ…

I think the ability to manage grief is very much connected to our ability to place situations in perspective. Last night I finally realized clearly that letting Stinky Wink go was not what was best for me, but for him. My reluctance to let him go was because I would be lonely. I would lose my best friend. I would hurt. But love can--and must--move beyond all those me-oriented feelings.When we can…

Yesterday was not a good day, mostly because a great number of things combined to throw me into a sort of funk and cause the managing of my grief to do a tail-spin. Wednesdays are my wife's long days. She goes directly from school to church, where she is the choir director and organist, and doesn't get home until about 8:45 p.m. My allergies and sinuses have been giving me fits, so the day started off badly. On those long Wednesdays, Wink and I conversed (well, I conversed and he listened)…

I was so proud of myself because it seemed that I was beginning to manage my grief--at least the crying part. In the past two days I was able to talk to people about Morgan "Stinky Wink" without crying. The truth is that we should neverbe proud of ourselves for any reason. It's true that "pride goes before a fall." My wife had gone to bed early last night because Wednesdays are her "long" days. I was finishing the book Soul of a Dog by Jon Katz, a really good book. I was sitting at…

I told myself I would continue this blog until I had learned to manage my grief. Maybe my process will help someone else, as well. I have contented myself that the grief will never be gone. I still grieve occasionally for my grandparents--on their birthdays, their anniversary, days that were special to the three of us. It has been managed grief for a long time now. But I still miss them. For almost two weeks I have not been able to talk to anyone about Stinky Wink…

Well, we start another week. My wife is home from school today for Presidents' Day. I made chili yesterday, so we had that for lunch. She always eats a cheddar cheese sandwich with her chili. As she was making it at lunch, a tear rolled down her cheek. A sure way to get Stinky Wink's attention was to make a cheddar cheese sandwich on whole wheat bread. He always knew he'd get a bite or two. She said, "I'll never make another cheddar cheese sandwich without thinking of Winker." He was such a…

I learned from the loss of my grandparents (who raised me) that grief never completely goes away; we learn to manage it, and make it part of the big picture. I think managed grief is healthy grief--and therapeutic grief. Many years ago I knew of a woman from my hometown who lost her son in a tragic car accident. For the next two years--until her own death--she went daily to his grave and cried profusely. She quit going anywhere else and would not see anyone if she could avoid it. Her husband…

My wife and I went to St. Louis today with our son and his family. They just got a new puppy from Love at First Sight. He's a Boxer mix. They think the other part is bloodhound. He's only about six weeks old, and he went with us to St. Louis. Between Grandpa (me) with weak hips and legs and puppy with his small bladder, we made several stops both directions. I bought a book at Barnes & Noble that I would highly recommend to all dog lovers. It's written by Dean Koontz (yes, the horror…

Finally we are having an apparently full day of sunshine. Of course, it's Illinois, so who knows? At least it looks good for now. For the first time in a while, I'm beginning to swing a little away from the "Full Grief" side of the pendulum. There is still a good long way to go, and I know that I will never be totally grief-free. I intentionally remember the happy times we had with Stinky Wink and the ways that he really did enhance or lives. Three years ago we took Wink on vacation with us.…

I have used these blogs to work through my grief, and it has been working--due much to the wonderful supportive posts from all of you. I intend to continue blogging about Stinky Wink because I think that not only will it help me work through my grief, it will also help me truly to appreciate what a wonderful friend he was. I think our pets are like the people in our lives--sometimes we take them for granted. From where I am sitting right now, I can see three separate spots where Stinky Wink…

It was a week ago today that I brought Stinky Wink home from the hospital. Tomorrow (2/16/12) will be the last of the "it was a week ago" phrases, and that is probably good. My son, Chris, made a grave-stone for Wink, which he gave us last night when we had dinner at their house. It's beautiful and so thoughtful of him. His daughters also helped with it. When spring comes, we'll set it over his grave. I haven't cried yet today, but there is a continual heaviness in my heart. The house never…

I haven't cried today, but I will. At 61, I no longer try to hide it or feel self-conscious about it. I figure I've earned that right after all these years. I can move through the house today--even looking at the spots where Stinky Wink liked to lie down--without crying. I just get a strong grip in my heart. But I will come across a renegade toy or a bunch of Corgi fluff somewhere unexpected, and the tears will flow. He did love his toys! I gave one to each of my sons for their dogs, but I'm…

I've made it through another day. I didn't cry as much today, but I still hurt...a lot. I'm trying to spend more time remembering the fun things we did and the funny things Stinky Wink did. I'm still gathering his pictures. I have filled one album already. I didn't know I had so many pictures, but I'm delighted that I do. I wish so much I could pet him and scratch behind his silky ears. There hasn't been any hair to sweep up. I saw my neighbor out back this afternoon and she said, "My God,…